Finding Hope, Healing and Abundance In the Broken Way

Finding Hope, Healing and Abundance In The Broken Way

9/30/2016

So many thoughts whirling through my head; thoughts and pictures I tried to keep buried in the recesses of my mind over the years believing God could never redeem something so unredeemable, so broken and shameful.

Flashback:

The belt came through the last loop with a loud whip-like crack. First, it pounded the sidewalk like a warning. Then as angry words were hurled against me, the belt came across the back of my legs.

I tried to out run my Dad’s thundering wrath, but my nine-year-old legs just weren’t fast enough. The chase continued down the street, the belt pelting my back, my arms, my legs. I had been to the playground and lost track of time. He came in a rage and chased me down the long concrete sidewalk.

Cars drove by; people watched from their front porches; they heard my cries for help, but no one intervened. I was publicly beaten, publicly humiliated, publicly rejected, publicly abused physically and verbally and not one person cared to stop the violence against me. Not even when the belt wrapped around my ankle causing me to fall. They heard my cry, but no one cared. Even as he grabbed me by the arm to pull me back up to my feet, ripping the sleeve of my blouse, no one came to save me from the ravages of an out of control man.

I felt afraid, ashamed, defiled, naked, vulnerable, abandoned. I felt like a failure and a sinful person because no one cared enough to come to my rescue, to save me. I must have deserved his wrath.

Memories like this remind me of my journey with brokenness, wounds that continue to heal over time. By sharing my path on the broken way, a trail of breadcrumb morsels dropping behind me draws other wounded seeking healing for their broken hearts. God is redeeming what I thought to be unredeemable simply by sharing my stories and becoming a safe place for others to share theirs.

I’m thankful that several years ago the Lord saw fit to have me follow a trail of breadcrumb morsels that lead me to Ann Voskamp and her journey with brokenness. Ann put lyrics to what my wounded heart and soul have been humming. I’m honored to be on the launch team for her newest book, “The Broken Way – A Daring Path Into the Abundant Life.”

Remember my flashback? Ann begins Chapter 1 with a flashback of her own. One part of her flashback in particular resonated with me. She winced in pain and shame while sitting in church. A hurtful comment and congregational laughter lead her to want to stand up in church and say: “When the church isn’t for the suffering and broken, then the church isn’t for Christ.”

We live in a fallen broken world. We’re all looking for something or someone to cling to that understands our pain, shame, and brokenness. We don’t want Christianese spoken; we want to cling to the hope that we’re going to be okay, that there is a purpose in our pain, and someone to walk alongside us on this broken journey called life.

In sharing about that experience Ann said something that pierced my soul---I mean I burst into tears and wept. She stated so beautifully exactly what I always look for in my relationships; to feel safe, free from shame and shielded by grace and gracious people. Lord knows I've been broken by toxic words from broken people in need of His grace. I would venture to say we all have."Shame is a bully but grace is a shield. You are safe here."

We look up into the night sky and see the stars He hung in place and think a God that big is too big to ever care about our wounded and broken hearts. Nothing could be farther from the truth. Consider this one of many verses found in God’s Word about His love for the broken:

“The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” Psalm 34:18

Seven years after my flashback story I heard about Jesus’ crucifixion story. I thought to myself, “He understands humiliation. He understands being whipped and brutalized publicly. He understands having clothing ripped and being knocked to the ground. He understands the rejection, shame, and abuse I felt.” I could identify with the horrors of His story, His brokenness. I also heard the rest of His story, the victory; I wanted that same power of God in my soul; to redeem me and make something out of my broken life. God gave spiritual birth to me on October 2, 1969 as a 16-year-old girl, just months after I was just a few feet away from killing my dad. Healing was birthed into my broken heart that night. My healing journey on the broken way had begun and continues to this day.

We are all broken people seeking a new life for ourselves. If I had been able to write the first couple of chapters of my life story, I never would've chosen the story line He chose as the framework for my life. But in retrospect, I'm seeing as Ann so beautifully puts it, that my brokenness "makes a canvas for God's light. There's brokenness that makes windows straight into the soul. Brokenness happens in a soul so the power of God can happen in a soul." He desires to bind up our wounds and heal our broken hearts as a way of drawing us closer to Him and experience His love and power. He wants us to share our own personal story of brokenness so that others who have felt shame, despair and feeling like their life is unredeemable will follow our trail of breadcrumb morsels and find He brings hope and healing and redeems the broken places. Oh, Dear Ones, please don't be ashamed of your scars. Know that your brokenness and the broken way will lead you to abundance.