Category: Forgiveness

Freedom Through Forgiveness - Part 3

7/1/2015

Welcome to Day 3 of the Freedom Through Forgiveness 5 Day Series designed to help hurting hearts heal. If you missed Part 1 you can find it here. Day 2 can be found through this link. Due to the 4th of July holiday, I've decided to run Days 4 and 5 next week; Monday, July 6 and Tuesday, July 7. The book giveaway will also be continued until Tuesday, July 7. A winner will be announced on Wednesday.

Today I'm sharing 8 common myths about forgiveness and then a brief synopsis of the truth. Making the choice to forgive is the right choice, but it's not always easy to do, especially when there are so many pre-conceived notions about what forgiveness looks like.

Debunking 8 Myths About Forgiveness

Myth 1: Forgiving means you are no longer hurting.
Truth: True forgiveness is an act of the heart despite throbbing physical, emotional, or mental pain. Jesus extended forgiveness to Roman soldiers amidst the pain they inflicted at his crucifixion.

Solutions for Pain:

Confess your true feelings to the Lord
Be honest with God about how you feel forgiving the person who hurt you.
Trust God for His strength to sustain you so you can forgive the person.

Example of an honest talk with God:
"Lord, Dawn hurt me so much that I am not sure I will ever heal. I can't believe she said such hurtful things behind my back and then acted so nice to my face. Just the thought of her actions infuriates me. I never want to see her again! Having said all this, I refuse to let unforgiveness and bitterness become lord of my life. Father, give me the desire and strength to forgive Dawn. Conquer and rule me now, Lord. I will obey you. Thank you for hearing me."

Myth 2: Forgiving Is Forgetting
Truth: God forgives and chooses never to bring up our sin again (this is the idea of forget), yet this is not true for us. We forgive, even though we may never be able to erase the memory of the offense from our minds. Deep wounds caused by others require us to "continue" forgiving.

Solution: You can pray for the offender:

Ask the Lord to direct your mind in how to pray for this person
Sit still for a few moments and listen for the Lord's voice
Pray the direction the Lord has given you (If you have not received specific direction then pray a promise of God's Word for the person)

Myth 3: Forgiving Is Ignoring Sin
Biblical forgiveness is the only solution to being sinned against. It is not biblical if it ignores the sin of another.
Truth: Jesus said, "So watch yourselves. If your brother sins, rebuke him, and if he repents, forgive him. If he sins against you seven times in a day, and seven times comes back to you and says, 'I repent,' forgive him. The apostles said to the Lord, 'Increase our faith!'" Luke 17:3-5

Solution: When sinned against we are to rebuke and restore. After repentance, we are to forgive no matter how many times a person sins against us in a day.

Myth 4: Forgiving means you excuse the offender's hurtful act.
Truth: Forgiveness is a response that seeks to redeem the hurt, not brush it off. An accidental "slip of the tongue" needs no forgiveness because it isn't deliberately caused. Intentional hurts need forgiveness. Forgiving the one who hurt you doesn't lessen the impact of the painful action. But forgiveness does unlock our own "prison" of bitterness.

Myth 5: Before forgiving, you must first understand why the offender hurt you.
Truth: Our human mind yearns to make all the confusing puzzle pieces fit together neatly before we forgive. However, the truth is we can forgive an offender even if we never discover the reasons for the inflicted pain. Author Philip Yancey writes in What's So Amazing About Grace, "Not to forgive imprisons me in the past and locks out all potential for change. I thus yield control to another, my enemy, and doom myself to suffer the consequences of the wrong."

Myth 6: Before forgiving the offender, you must feel forgiving.
Truth: Forgiveness has nothing to do with how you feel. You can feel hurt, betrayed, and angry, and still completely forgive the one who wounded you. Biblical forgiveness is an act of the will. It's a choice you make.

Can you still feel angry after you forgive? Yes! Anger means you're in touch with reality—it's part of being human. But be careful to aim that anger at what your offender did, not at the offender personally. Then let your anger push you toward justice.

Myth 7: Forgiving means the offender will face no consequences.
Truth: When we choose to forgive someone, our forgiveness doesn't "let him off the hook." Forgiveness also doesn't mean justice shouldn't be served. There are still consequences to the sin/crime. There is still the judicial system to answer to for crimes. And ultimately, offenders must answer to God. When we forgive the offender, we are setting ourselves free from the prison of bitterness and hate and transferring the offender into the hands of God who will deal with the guilty party.

Myth 8: When your offender is punished, you'll find closure.
Truth: We think we can more easily forgive others if they confess the crime and apologize for the pain they caused. Sadly, there's not always a confession and apology. If there's been a terrible crime committed, they will more than likely answer to the judicial system. But don't look to justice, imprisonment, or execution to bring needed closure and healing. Only God can bring that to you through your choice to forgive.

In Summary

Forgiveness myths hinder us from tapping all the riches of Christ's life. Don't believe them. Commit to God that you will not follow their seductive overtures. I encourage you to continue forgiving others when the hurt is deep and the pain you have experienced is profound. The initial step of forgiveness may have occurred years ago, but you must be disciplined to continue in forgiveness.

About the Book Giveaway

Here's what to do to enter the giveaway for a free copy of "Letters from My Father's Murderer: A Journey of Forgiveness." The drawing closes Monday, July 6 at 6:00 AM EASTERN Time. A winner will be announced later in the day Monday evening.

You will get one entry for each of the following you do:
1) Leave a comment below.
2) Sign up using the Linky Giveaway Tool below.
3) Promote it on your blog, FB, or Twitter, and link it the giveaway back to this post. (One entry for each place you promote it.) If you use the book photo above in your post, it should link back to here automatically.

There will be a Linky Giveaway Tool M-F. Feel free to enter each day. There will be new Freedom Through Forgiveness content each day.

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Freedom Through Forgiveness - Part 2

6/30/2015

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Welcome to Part 2 of the Freedom Through Forgiveness 5 Day Series designed to help hurting hearts heal. If you missed Part 1 you can find it here. Day 3, I'll be putting my "counselor hat" on and debunking 8 myths about forgiveness.

Laurie Coombs is our guest blogger again today here at Marsha's Musings. She's continuing her extraordinary true story of grace, mercy, and the redemptive power of God. Her father was murdered, and she and her family sought justice--and found it. Her book, "Letters from My Father's Murderer: A Journey of Forgiveness," chronicles her journey to forgiveness and just released June 27. I promise you, it will hold you spellbound. Laurie's bio can be found below.

Welcome, Laurie!

Where the Healing Begins

I didn’t want to revisit my past, but I knew I needed to. I had already seen God move mightily on my behalf in the short time since giving my life to Christ, but I knew He wasn’t finished yet.

Healing begins the moment we allow Jesus complete access to the darkness contained within our souls. Darkness must flee in the presence of light, in the presence of Jesus, but light cannot go where it is not permitted. Doors must be opened for light’s rays to touch our darkest dark. And at this point, I was flinging doors open left and right, begging, Come, Lord Jesus, come.

Soon, I heard God’s gentle whisper––“It’s time to forgive.”

I knew what God was calling me to. I knew I was being called to forgive Anthony, the man who murdered my dad. But quite honestly, I thought I had already done that. Yet over the course of the next several weeks, God slowly showed me that, while I had forgiven Anthony as far as I was capable, I needed His grace to forgive completely, to forgive unconditionally.

But then God took it a step further––“Love your enemy,” He said.

At that, I cried out to God and said, “Okay, God, I get this whole forgiveness thing, but love my enemy? How am I to do that?”

I wrestled with what God was calling me to do, but I had read account after account in Scripture of God redeeming losses. Of God healing physical, emotional, and spiritual wounds. I saw Jesus’s heart toward the brokenhearted, and I believed God could do all that for me as well. I didn’t want my faith to be just a belief system. I wanted it to be real. I wanted it to impact my life. I wanted it to change the way I lived. So I followed, believing wholeheartedly that God would deliver. That He would faithfully keep His promises.

And He did.

What began with a simple, seemingly insignificant call to love and forgive my enemy led to years of correspondence with the man who murdered my dad, through which I witnessed God do the impossible. I have seen God redeem a situation that seemed without hope or purpose. He has brought good out of evil, love out of hate, and peace out of despair. God has truly worked all things for good in my life. And I believe with all my heart that He will do that for you as well, if you let Him.

I pray you will.

You see, God has not left us to sit in our pain. Jesus came to heal. He is our redeemer, and I know it is His desire to lift each of us out of our despair and bring us in—to a new, better place. A place rich in beauty and blessings. But in order to get there, we must be willing to allow God unhindered access to all the pain and bitterness and anger in our souls. And we must be willing to forgive.

For this is where our healing begins.

About the Book, "Letters from My Father's Murderer"

Laurie Coombs’s new book, Letters from My Father’s Murderer: A Journey of Forgiveness––which tells anincredible true story of grace, mercy, and the redemptive power of God––has just been released. It’s available wherever books are sold. Be sure to pick up your copy today!

Amazon | Barnes and Noble | ChristianBook | Books-A-Million | Powell’s | Parable

Meet Laurie

Laurie Coombs is a passionate writer and speaker on the issues of forgiveness, redemption, and the hope found in Jesus. She is the author of Letters from My Father’s Murderer: A Journey of Forgiveness, an incredible true story of grace, mercy, and the redemptive power of God. Her story was featured in Billy Graham’s film, Heaven, and she is a featured writer and blogger for iBelieve and Crosswalk. Laurie and her husband, Travis, make their home in Nevada along with their two daughters, Ella and Avery.

For more information about Laurie or to book her for a speaking engagement, visit LaurieCoombs.org. And be sure to connect with her on her blog, Twitter, Facebook, and Pinterest.

About the Book Giveaway

Join us Wednesday when I debunk 6 myths about forgiveness.

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Freedom Through Forgiveness - Part 1

6/29/2015

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Welcome to Part 1 of the Freedom Through Forgiveness 5 Day Series designed to help hurting hearts heal. Be sure to check back each day as we take this journey towards healing and freedom.

Monday and Tuesday Laurie Coombs will be our guest blogger here at Marsha's Musings. She's telling her extraordinary true story of grace, mercy, and the redemptive power of God. Her father was murdered, and she and her family sought justice--and found it. Her book, "Letters from My Father's Murderer: A Journey of Forgiveness," chronicles her journey to forgiveness and just released June 27. I promise you, it will hold you spellbound. Laurie's bio can be found below.

Welcome, Laurie!

This Wonderfully Messy World

I had always thought the world was a wonderful place, full of beauty and love and light. Growing up, the life I imagined for myself looked more like a fairytale than I care to admit. I had plans for my life, big plans. But just as I was coming into my own, just as I was about to seize all life has to offer, my world unraveled when confronted by an evil I never imagined possible. My dad, who I love more than I can ever say, was murdered, and with that loss, all the lofty notions I held about life shattered.

Things like this don’t happen to people like me, I thought. I grew up in a nice, quiet small town. I came from a good, loving family. How could my dad have been murdered? I wondered.

I found myself sitting at a park after the funeral questioning just about everything I thought I knew to be true. Something my mom always said came to mind. “Everything happens for a reason,” she used to say. I pondered this familiar adage for some time, wrestling with my new reality, before crying out, “How could there be a reason for this?” through my anger and tears.

This was not my plan. This was not the path I thought my life would take. And I was angry. Mostly at Anthony, the man who murdered my dad, but it was more than that. I was angry at the lack of sensitivity I saw in the media. I was angry at the indifference of others watching the news coverage. I was angry at our society and its unhealthy fascination with murder. But I was also angry that my life was not turning out the way I thought it should.

It just didn’t seem fair. All those big plans I had for my life were upended by my new awareness of evil. Nothing good can come out of this, I thought. Nothing.

But I was wrong.

The years that followed were characterized more by trying to be okay than actually being okay. Shortly after the murder, I put on my happy mask and decided it was time to move on, and so I did. I buried my pain and went on with my life, hoping my past would stay in the past. But it doesn’t take much to know that unresolved pain rises to the surface at one point or another, regardless of how deep its buried.

It took nine years for my pain to resurface, and when it did, I was absolutely stunned by it. My pain showed up in the form of anxiety and depression, something I had never dealt with before. I didn’t know what to do when this monster reared its ugly head. And for the first time in my life, I was presented with something I could not fix. I was able to work through every other struggle in my life prior to this, but this time was different.

I tried everything the world tells you to do in a situation like this. I tried eating better and exercising more. I tried meditation. I tried taking a stress management class. I tried yoga. I tried self-help books. And I even tried taking medication, but it only worsened my condition. Nothing worked. And so with all other options exhausted, it seemed God was my last and only hope.

But I was not a believer. In fact, I was a skeptic. I was one of those people who thought faith was something weak-minded people relied on to get through life. All that stuff in the Bible seemed like a fairytale concocted to tickle ears and make people feel all warm and fuzzy inside. But at this point, I had come to the end of myself and saw no other option out of the mess. And so with a fearful heart and an analytical mind, I attended church, fully expecting the God-thing to be yet another rabbit trail that would lead absolutely nowhere. But it wasn’t.

As I listened to the pastor speak, my mind only semi-present due to the anxiety, God did something I never imagined possible. He showed up. He continued to do so time and time again until there was absolutely no denying it was Him, and I received faith.

But I don’t believe I would have ever gotten to that point apart from my dad’s murder, and so the very thing intended to destroy my life would be the thing that would save it. Apart from this terrible tragedy, I would have never experienced true life. God had a better plan than the one I had planned for myself. A messy plan. A plan that included tragedy and loss. A plan that included pain-filled searching. But also included in that plan was my salvation and the call to love and forgive my enemy which ultimately resulted in the beautiful message of hope and redemption that I have been called to share with this world.

Yes. We live in a broken world. A world that involves evil and loss and pain. But apart from the darkness, we would never fully know the light. Only in the darkest of dark does light shine the brightest. Only in a broken world can we see healing and redemption. Love is shown greater in the face of hate. Beauty is all the more beautiful in the face of the ugly.

And what beauty there is to behold in this wonderfully messy world.

About the Book, "Letters from My Father's Murderer"

Laurie Coombs’s new book, Letters from My Father’s Murderer: A Journey of Forgiveness––which tells an incredible true story of grace, mercy, and the redemptive power of God––has just been released. It’s available wherever books are sold. Be sure to pick up your copy today!

Amazon | Barnes and Noble | ChristianBook | Books-A-Million | Powell’s | Parable

Meet Laurie

About the Book Giveaway

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The Choice to Forgive

6/28/2015

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The decision to forgive an offender is probably the hardest choice we can ever make. Some crimes seem too horrible to forgive. Our instincts tell us to avenge the person who caused us pain, not to release him from the debt he owes us. But as Christians, we can't afford to have unforgiving hearts, for we have been greatly forgiven by God in Christ ( Ephesians 4:32).

Only forgiveness can release us from a life of hatred and bitterness. "Forgiving is a journey, sometimes a long one," wrote Lewis B. Smedes in Shame and Grace. "We may need some time before we get to the station of complete healing, but the nice thing is that we are being healed en route. When we genuinely forgive, we set a prisoner free and then discover the prisoner we set free was us."

Freedom Through Forgiveness

I invite you to join me this week as I delve deeper into the issue of forgiveness. Monday and Tuesday I've invited Laurie Coombs to be a guest blogger. She's tells an extraordinary true story of grace, mercy, and the redemptive power of God. Her father was murdered, and she and her family sought justice--and found it. Her book chronicling her journey to forgiveness called "Letters from My Father's Murderer" just released and will hold you spellbound.

Wednesday and Friday I'll be putting my counselor hat on and sharing some tips that will debunk 6 commonly held myths about forgiveness, and also some helpful steps to help you walk out this journey of forgiveness.

I'm giving away a copy of "Letters from My Father's Murderer"

Join me each day this week and enter to win a copy of Laurie's book. More details will follow Monday morning when Laurie's first post will be up.

Today, I'm linking up with:

I'm joining up with Barbie and Mary over here: http://myfreshlybrewedlife.com/2015/06/lifes-rhythms-the-weekend-brew-2.html

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The Muser

Becoming the woman of grace God's designed me to be. it's all simply grace.

This page is about speaking grace into lives and healing those broken places. It's about exploring the basics of Who our Savior is, the depth of His love for us, and His life changing gift.

You will find Sabbath Blessings here and words to help heal the broken places. This is a place of rest and restoration. Hopefully, you will come away refreshed. You can read more about Why Simply Grace here.

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Freedom Through Forgiveness - Part 3

Debunking 8 Myths About Forgiveness

In Summary

About the Book Giveaway

Freedom Through Forgiveness - Part 2

Where the Healing Begins

About the Book, "Letters from My Father's Murderer"

Meet Laurie

About the Book Giveaway

Freedom Through Forgiveness - Part 1

This Wonderfully Messy World

About the Book, "Letters from My Father's Murderer"

Meet Laurie

About the Book Giveaway

The Choice to Forgive

Freedom Through Forgiveness

I'm giving away a copy of "Letters from My Father's Murderer"

Why Simply Grace

The Muser

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Have each new post to Simply Grace emailed to you or use your own RSS Feed Reader.

Please Respect the Muser's Work